Roman's Birth Story

Wednesday, August 20th

     11:30 am - Dr. Berry's office.

"We have our ultrasound scheduled for 3:30 pm today," I told Dr. Berry. "Every ultrasound we have had has given us bad news. We're so close to our due date, can't we just skip today's ultrasound and spare ourselves whatever heartache that's sure to ensue?"

He told us that he didn't think that it would be a good idea to miss the appointment. Today's ultrasound might clue the doctors in more about what is going on with Roman. The news may be difficult to hear, but it is necessary so they can have all the information that they can possibly have about Roman's health, so there are no surprises when he is born. We conceded - we would go to the ultrasound if we had to.

Before we left the office, Dr. Berry checked my dilation: 3 cm dilated, 80% effaced. That was some encouraging news to hear.

     3:30 pm - Ultrasound Room at the Maternal-Fetal Medicine wing of Utah Valley Regional Medical Center

The ultrasound technician performed the usual routine - check the heartbeat. Measure the head circumference. Measure the abdomen. Measure the femur. Check the blood flow in the umbilical cord. She didn't say much. I kept quiet as well. I didn't want to be there in the first place, and I was in a bad mood because they (for the second time in a month) screwed up the scheduling of my appointment - having given me an appointment card that said 3:30 pm and putting my appointment in their computer as 3:00 pm. We'd arrived at 3:30 and they told us we would have to wait because we hadn't shown up when we were supposed to.

The ultrasound technician left the room. Josh and I had talked about this next moment and had agreed that he would talk to the doctor and ask that she break whatever news she had for us gently.

Dr Feltovich walked in.

"Can I speak with you outside for a moment?" Josh asked her. She looked at me, making sure I was ok with this. I told her it was alright, I didn't mind him speaking to her without me present. They stepped outside the door. I waited.

Within a minute, they were both back in the room. Dr. Feltovich had a reassuring smile across her face.

"Josh just asked me to go easy on both of you when I tell you what we've seen in the ultrasound today. But that isn't necessary! Because today I have good news!"

I was surprised. What good news could she possibly have for us, after the last ten ultrasounds have given us nothing but hopelessness and despair?

"You get to have your baby today!"

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I should have been excited, but my stomach just sank. The laundry wasn't done. The house wasn't clean. The picture frames we were going to make and hang on Roman's wall were unfinished. There was still so much to do! I thought I was going to have a whole other week to do it! I wasn't ready for this baby to come just yet!

"Why today?" Josh asked. "What did you see on the ultrasound that would make it so he has to come out now?"

She remained cheery and upbeat. "Well, three weeks ago his abdomen was measuring 36 weeks, and it measured 36 weeks today, which means he is no longer growing. The womb is no longer the best place for him. If we get him out today, we can get him the help he needs so he can start to thrive!"

I told her about my concerns; about not feeling ready. "Can we go home first?" I wanted to eat something, give the house a quick cleaning, fold and put away the laundry, and grab our hospital bag.

"I'm afraid I can't let you leave," she told us. "You're going to have to go straight up to Labor and Delivery so they can induce as soon as possible."

~

4:15 pm

We checked in on the 5th floor: Labor and Delivery. I put on the hospital gown (note: that thing was awful. With my next baby, I am definitely bringing my own). We called our doula, Alie Jenkins. (who by the way was amazing throughout the whole ordeal. I plan on hiring her for all my future births.)

Me, right after I put on the hospital gown. Man, I was SWOLLEN. Just look at my hands.

We would have started the induction right away, but I wanted to get a Priesthood blessing before we got started. They got me started on the IV and began pumping saline and antibiotics into my system (I had tested positive for Group B Strep). Before anyone arrived, I said a silent prayer. I asked that all would go well and that my mom (who passed away when I was a child) would be there in the room to comfort me and give me strength. My father-in-law, Richard, and my younger brother, Alex showed up to administer the blessing. One of the things that was said in the blessing was that my mom would be there in the room with me as I went through labor and the birth of this baby. I burst into tears when those words were uttered because it was a direct answer to my prayer. What a testimony building experience. 

My brother and I right after the blessing.

7:00 pm

A team of doctors and nurses showed up in the room to break my water. I had asked that no Pitossin be administered and that if we were going to induce, that we should first try the most natural methods. As they were about to break my water, the doctor who was performing the procedure said she could feel his little hand resting on top of his head. That was incredible to me that she was physically touching my unborn baby. Roman felt more real to me in that moment than he ever had. Soon, I would be able to see and touch this baby that I'd carried and cared for for so long. 

Getting my water broken was uncomfortable and painful. It felt like someone was reaching in and physically causing menstrual cramps by pushing on my uterus. Then when the bag of water popped, the feeling was even more strange. I felt as if I'd had a whole ocean inside of me that escaped all at once. 

Surges (contractions) began subtly at first. As the hours went by, they increased in intensity. The nurses insisted that I stay connected to the monitors because they were concerned with the baby's heart rate, which seemed to drop significantly every time a surge happened. I kept having to use the bathroom though, which worked out nicely so I didn't have to stay attached to the monitor the entire time. It felt great to labor on the toilet, where I could just relax and not have to worry about "holding anything in" or worry about what the monitors were saying. The monitors were wrong the majority of the time about my surges. Most of the time they didn't even pick up on the surges I was having. 

11:15 pm

We began using some Hypnobirthing relaxation scripts to encourage surges. This must have worked, because by midnight, the surges increased in intensity and consistency. The next two and a half hours were the most difficult hours of the whole experience. The surges felt exactly like like menstrual cramps. Not painful per se, but extremely uncomfortable. I wouldn't describe what I felt as "pain". I'd always wondered how the intense cramps I've experienced in the past would compare with labor. The only difference between the two (for me at least) is that these cramps made me incredibly nauseous. Let's just say I vomited a significant amount, numerous times. We'll leave it at that.

The slow dance position was one of the most comfortable positions out of all the positions I tried.

Thursday, August 21st

1:00 am

I secretly began to consider getting the epidural. My discomfort wasn't unbearable yet, but I had a lot of fear about what was coming next. I had thought I'd eliminated my fear. I'd definitely worked on it with Hypnobirthing. I was much less fearful than I would have been. But the discomfort from the surges was greater--or perhaps just different--than I'd expected.

2:15 am

I felt I could no longer relax through the surges. I tried to utilize the "low moan" technique, as our doula Alie suggested, but even that was a struggle. The sounds came out more like high-pitched cries at first, and it took every ounce of concentration I had in me to lower their pitch. I was so tired. I hadn't slept much the night before, as I hadn't anticipated going through labor on this night. The vomiting only contributed to wiping me out. I didn't have anything left to give. I needed sleep. As I sat on the toilet, I waited until my body finished a surge. Then I told them I wanted an epidural.

2:25 am

The epidural was not "uncomfortable" as I previously described my surges. It was PAINFUL. But only for a minute. Then I began to feel numb in my lower abdomen. It was such a sweet release from the hours of surges I'd been going through. I soon sank into a deep, much needed sleep. 

4:00 am

I remember pressure - lots of pressure in my "nether regions". I announced this, and the nurse came in to check my dilation. I was at an eight! My whole body was shaking uncontrollably, and my teeth were chattering. I was told this was adrenaline; my body was gearing up to push out a human being, which takes a lot of work. This shaking didn't stop until after Roman was born.

Some time later I felt more pressure. They checked me again. A nine! Labor was speeding up! I'm convinced that this was because of the epidural. Since I was having so much trouble relaxing before, the epidural helped me to more quickly achieve the relaxation I needed to advance into the last stages of labor. That hour and a half of sleep I was able to have was a godsend. It gave me the energy I needed to complete this journey. I was nearly done.

It was around this time that a nurse asked me permission to do something to my baby that I was appalled by. You see, ever since my surges began, two things were happening with Roman: 

His heart rate would go down significantly with each surge, depending on what position I was sitting in.

Every time I moved even a little bit, the external monitor on my lower belly that measured his heart rate would get moved just enough to make it so it could no longer detect his heart rate, and it always took the nurses several minutes to find the right location on my belly to pick up the heart rate again. 

It was because of this that the nurse came right out and asked if it would be ok with me if they were to do internal monitoring of the heart rate. In case you were unaware, internal monitoring of fetal heart rate involves an instrument that looks like this: 

See that spiky wire thing at the top? They wanted to stick that inside Roman's SCALP. Umm, let me think about that--GO TO HELL. I mean, no thank you. What I should have offered was to stick that thing in her scalp to see how she likes it. Why is that even something that is done at all? And why would I agree to shoving that in my baby's scalp?! It just sounds so inhumane! Perhaps the reason why this is acceptable comes from the same line of thinking that a fetus is not an actual person until they are born. 

5:20 am

More pressure. The nurse checked me one last time. I was dilated to a ten. It was Go Time. She stepped out to call Dr. Berry and let him know that it was time for him to come to the hospital.

5:40 am

In spite of the fact that the doctor had not yet arrived, the nurse told me that I needed to start pushing. I hadn't wanted to birth Roman lying down OR do any kind of "purple pushing" (where they have you take a deep breath and then push as hard as you can while they count to ten), but I was told that by opting into an epidural, I had opted into this as well, and I couldn't opt out. Damn.

I took a breath. I pushed as the nurse counted to ten. It was within the first three pushes that someone announced, "He has dark hair!" 

"WHAT? You can see his head?" I demanded to see a mirror immediately. I saw the top of his head. It was all wrinkly. I thought, "oh no. His head is all wrinkly. Something is wrong." I must have voiced something like this aloud because I was assured by Alie and my nurse that all newborn babies' heads are wrinkly when they very first come out. Phew. I hadn't known that.

They told me to stop pushing until the doctor arrived. Apparently my pushes were more effective than the nurse thought they would be. 

Dr. Berry soon arrived and we began the "deep breath, PUSH 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10, release" routine again. Every time I finished pushing, I lost consciousness for a brief moment until it was time to push again. No one seemed to notice. That was frustrating. I wanted to ask them all to just give me a break, but we were so close at this point I just gritted my teeth and kept on going.

This was taken just moments before Roman came into this world

Along with Dr. Berry came the NICU team. "Just in case," they said. The room was very crowded as I completed my final minutes of labor. Three NICU team members. Two nurses. My doula, my husband, and my doctor. Eight people! So much for this being a private affair. 

Left to right: Doula Alie, Dr. Berry, Nurse Janae

5:50 am

Three 10-counts of pushes equaled one set of pushes. I had Roman out in 5 sets of pushes! As soon as he was out, they set him on my stomach. I couldn't believe it. He was here. I'd done it. He was real! He was alive! And he was so beautiful! 

Touching my baby for the very first time

Josh reminded the doctor about our wish to delay cord clamping (thank you, Josh!). The cord went flat after only about 30 seconds. Dr. Berry handed Josh the scissors so he could cut the cord. I noticed this and remembered how Josh had told me he didn't want to do any of that stuff. "That's what we're paying the doctor for," he'd told me. So, trying to have his back (like he had mine a minute ago with the delayed cord clamping), I piped up. "Oh, Josh doesn't want to cut the cord," but Josh shook his head and took the scissors. He didn't want to appear squeamish in front of all those people. He "succumbed to peer pressure," he told me later. 

Cutting the cord

As soon as the cord was cut, they handed my baby off to the NICU team for examination in the corner of the room. Josh went over with Roman to make sure they didn't do anything to him that we opted out of in our birth plan. They followed it to the letter.

It seemed as if they wanted something to be wrong with him. The head NICU guy kept trying to come up with reasons that they were going to need to take him away, but there was just no reason to. Baby Roman was perfect. He was healthy. Eventually they determined that Roman could stay. 

They gave him back to me and we did skin-to-skin, and tried nursing right away. Then Josh took him and did skin-to-skin with him as well. It was so sweet to watch them bond like that.

Skin-to-skin with Daddy

First picture of the three of us

Dr. Berry and Roman

It wasn't until a while later in that room that I found out that Roman does have craniosynostosis (a condition where the bones in the skull have fused prematurely). This just means he will have to have an MRI to find out how extensively the bones have fused. A mild case of this could mean that he would just have to wear a helmet for a while to re-shape his head. A more severe case would mean that he would have to have surgery involving breaking his skull to re-shape it.

I am overjoyed at how well everything went. Everyone at the hospital that we came into contact with during labor and delivery was supportive of my birth plan. I was able to have a vaginal delivery like I wanted, in spite of the fact that Roman has a fused skull (doctors had been telling me for weeks that if he does have craniosynostosis, a vaginal delivery will not be possible). Roman got to stay with us the whole time; he never needed to go to the NICU. And we were sent home after just 48 hours! It was like a dream come true. I never expected it to turn out so well, because I'd been told to expect the worst. My prayers were definitely heard and answered. And now I get to be the Momma of this sweet, wonderful boy. I feel incredibly blessed.